How to Tell Children Bad News
Telling children bad news is something no adult wants to face, but eventually is bound to occur. Whether it be a death of someone close to the child, a divorce, moving to a new city or a tragic event such as a natural disaster or man-made disaster, children are in need of an adult to help them process these potentially traumatic events.
Before breaking bad news to children it is important to have as many facts as possible. Never invent facts or include information that you hope or think will happen. For example, telling a child that you hope their new home will have a swimming pool or that you think a fire will never happen at their house can be deceiving and provide a false sense of hope and trust. It may be an unlikely event, but it is not something that can be predicted with certainty.
Never lie to a child just to try and ease their sadness or disappointment. It may seem easier at the time, but if your child does not believe the lie or if they discover you are lying later on, it is much more difficult to explain the true bad news and also to explain that you lied. Parents, of course, do not want their children to lie, especially if your child has bad news to tell you, like someone is bullying them. Setting a precedent of telling the truth, even when it is difficult is a wonderful lesson for children to learn.
Sometimes parents may have to “bend the truth” however. For example, if parents are getting divorced because of infidelity, children do not need to know that detail. Children also do not need to know graphic details about injuries from a tragic event such as a bombing or plane crash.
Parents should try to use simple and clear language with children of all ages when breaking bad news. Telling bad news to children (siblings) at the same time is helpful. Being surrounded by people you love always makes hearing bad news easier. Also, talking with your children in a group means that questions asked by one sibling can benefit all in that everyone gets more information. However, make sure each child has some time alone with a parent in case they have feelings or questions that they do not feel comfortable talking about in a group.
Chose a time to tell bad news that allows for plenty of time with parents to help process the new information. For instance, do not tell children bad news right before they head out for school in the morning or right before bedtime.
Finally, grief may be a new emotion for your child. Parents must recognize that children may need more time than adults to process all the emotions that go along with grief such as sadness, anger and frustration. Assure your child that it is OK to feel all these different emotions as part of grieving. Talking about these emotions and crying are important parts of dealing with grief. Allowing children to see parents grieving (crying, etc) is also a healthy aspect of the grieving process. Children will feel more comfortable sharing their emotions if they observe their parents doing so. If you are concerned that your child is not coping well with grief, you may wish to see the help of a child psychologist to help guide children and parents through this difficult time.
March 28, 2016